


Lights Out

by welcometothenewhigh



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Out of Character, Pining Clarke, Power Outage, scared Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 01:25:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/welcometothenewhigh/pseuds/welcometothenewhigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long week of power outages should've told her it would happen again. The screaming during the first few should've prepared her for that too. However, nothing could prepare Lexa for the girl she meets when she goes to help. Still, she can't seem to let herself be comfortable.<br/>Maybe it's the fact she missed her chance so long ago to come out and be happy, but with some help, Lexa will try her best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> May be shit, may not. Enjoy maybe.

For the third time this week, the power was out. In the dorms there are usually candles that can be lit or at least a stock of flashlights, but Lexa can’t seem to find them anywhere, just like the first two times. She’s running like a madwoman all over her floor, checking closets and rooms. As a senior at Ark University, she feels personally responsible to help those in need and currently, there was someone screaming bloody murder somewhere in the dorm. All the rooms she’s checked so far have been empty, as the majority of students decided to say fuck it to sitting in their cold room and left to probably go to a bar. The ones that weren’t empty just had other kids doing either séances or sleeping away in the darkness.  
  
It isn’t until Lexa has rounded the last hallway of her dorm that she hears the screaming taper off, before starting up again in a hoarser voice. The brunette picked up her speed. When the lights turned off the first two times there was screaming too, but it quickly died down as Lexa assumed the culprit was being helped by friends. However now, the screams had been going for minutes now and Lexa had goosebumps over how scared it sounded. She had been dead asleep before the lights went out again and normally she’d have slept through it, but alas, this person beckoned for her. She stalls in front of a door where she hears whimpers and assumes the person screaming is catching their breath, before she hears a choked sound and the cries are loud again. Lexa knocked fervently.  
  
“Hello? Can I help you in there? I can hear how upset you are and you’ve been upset the past two times the power went out.” Nothing came from the other side except sudden silence, followed by skittering of feet. Then the door opened and Lexa smiled immediately upon seeing a girl wrapped up in a blanket. Her chest was heaving and her body shook as she looked at Lexa with wide, tearful eyes and a sad frown.  
  
“Oh god I’m sorry for screaming. I’m—really afraid of the dark and—I have no candles or lights or friends here and—I’m sorry.” The girl rushed out, taking in Lexa with deep blue eyes and she felt herself blush a little at the intensity.  
  
“That’s completely fine, really. I’m looking for candles and flashlights actually but I’m sorry I can’t seem to find any. I do have my own candles in my room but I wasn’t going to just sit in there and read while someone was screaming.” Lexa meant to ask if the girl wanted to come with her, but even covered in tears and a big blanket this girl was making Lexa feel things. It couldn’t possibly be a good idea to offer her room to this beauty, surely she’d reject her anyway. With that she made a decision. “Listen, you stay here and I’ll run to my room and bring a candle back so you can have it. Ok? I’ll be back.”  
  
She turned and left before the girl could stop her. Lexa’s heart raced in her chest while her stomach felt alive with nerves. _Who is this girl? How have I never seen her? Probably a good thing,_ she told herself, despite the ache in her chest. The brunette was making her way to her room quickly, walking through the empty halls and she almost reached her room when she heard someone call out to her.  
  
“Wait!” Lexa stopped in her tracks. It was the girl. She turned around and was met with the same crying girl, now without her blanket and whom she could see in the light was blonde, and _fuck she’s even more gorgeous._ The blonde was at the end of the hall, slightly hidden behind the wall and she was eyeing Lexa nervously, much to her confusion. “I—um, I don’t want to take your candle but maybe we could just hang out together so you can have light too?” The girl had a husky voice, even when she seemed nervous and Lexa swallowed thickly upon thinking about it. She had more than one candle, so she could easily say no to this girl and save herself the heart throb, but that wouldn’t be very nice to do to someone who was already scared and alone.  
  
“Oh, sure. Of course. You may come with me then. I’m Lexa, by the way.” She approached the girl at the end of the hall confidently, hoping to instill her own calmness in the girl, who cowered slightly before shuffling out in front of her. The blonde was dressed in leggings and a coat, as if she thought she was going to have had to chase Lexa outside.  
  
“I’m Clarke. Thank you, Lexa.” The blonde smiled shyly, brushing back some of her hair to her other shoulder and Lexa almost melted over her absolute beauty. She averted her eyes from the girl’s face to the freckle above her lip. Another mistake, as she found herself now thinking about nothing other than kissing this stranger. The pure disrespectfulness of the idea sobered her, making her back away as she waved for Clarke to follow her.  
  
“It’s not a problem. Let’s go.” A few minutes later Lexa found herself sitting cross legged on her bed as she read her favorite book for the millionth time. Clarke was sat next to her, breathing peacefully as she sketched away on some paper Lexa lent her. After they’d arrived at the room, Clarke was a little difficult to calm down. It seemed as if suddenly she realized what ‘hanging out’ meant and that she’d have to stay. Lexa of course told her she was free to leave, trying to minimize her anxiety. They’d known each other a total of ten minutes and Lexa could already read Clarke.  
  
The blonde was a quiet, unsure person, much like herself and Lexa had no idea why she was. Clarke was pretty well known apparently, plus she seemed kind enough. It was also just _mind blowing_ how stunning she was on the outside. From her soft curves to her pale skin to her rather long, moonlit blonde hair and the freckle on her lips to her blue eyes and deep voice. It was almost too much for Lexa to handle, aka why she was burying her nose into the book rather than looking at Clarke. She appeared studious enough, despite the pounding of her heart and she hoped Clarke couldn’t see right through her like she felt she could. Lexa had no intention on speaking further or getting to know this beautiful girl, out of fear herself falling on accident. Not that Lexa even allowed her mind to travel to ever letting herself be happy, really. _It still stood: straights are the worst._  
  
“Hey Lexa?” Clarke asked in a sweet, little voice after she’d been rereading the same paragraph over and over, unable to really get it. She pulled the glasses off her face and brushed her hair aside as she looked at Clarke with purposeful disinterest.  
  
“Yeah?” Clarke’s eyes trailed over her face for a long second, much to her chagrin, before the girl spoke. Now Lexa’s heart beat faster, even though she stayed passive on the outside.  
  
“I’m kind of really hungry, did you want to order food? I’ll buy it.” Lexa grinned, looking at the clock and reading 9 p.m. yet Clarke wanted pizza. She shook her head, rising to stand up and stretch a little.  
  
“How about I just make you something? It’s a little late for like pizza or Chinese, don’t you think?” She asked nicely, not judging at all. Clarke looked down right away, before shaking her head too.  
  
“No that’s alright, thank you, and you’re right. I’m sorry for asking.” The blonde dipped her head again, slowing drawing once more and Lexa squinted in confusion over her behavior.  
  
“Clarke, I will happily make you food. I don’t mean a whole dinner, just something to eat. I can’t let you stay here hungry, I’ll feel bad.” She admitted now, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Clarke kept on drawing for a few seconds before she looked up at her and she froze, seeing unshed tears in her eyes.  
  
“I feel bad for even being here, so please, please no.” Lexa gulped hearing that. _Why is she here if I’m making her uncomfortable?_ She stood up again to put some space in between them, suddenly feeling even creepier than she felt for just being there too. It’s not like she’s the one who invited Clarke to come in! Clarke followed her and asked to hang out, so why was she making this Lexa’s fault?  
  
“Oh. I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable, Clarke. I didn’t mean anything. You’re welcome to take my candles and head to your room if you’ll feel better.” Lexa paced her own room for a second, before deciding on folding some clothes in the corner. Clarke was watching her intensely and Lexa was thankful it was so dark as she felt heat spread throughout her cheeks out of embarrassment.  
  
“No no, I’m not uncomfortable. I promise. I just—I’m so awkward,” Clarke stopped to laugh at herself, making Lexa frown. “I just feel bad for being here because there’s got to be something else you want to be doing rather than taking care of a cry baby who’s afraid of the dark.” Lexa couldn’t help her giggle at that, but she slapped a hand over her mouth, horrified at herself.  
  
“Fuck, sorry, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just cute you’re afraid of the dark,” Lexa said casually, not meaning much, before continuing. “I’m technically not taking care of you though. The power is out, Clarke, we’re all bored tonight unless we have friends to go out to a bar with. Speaking of, where are yours? The previous power outages you didn’t scream nearly as long tonight, I assumed they helped you out.” Clarke shrugged then.  
  
“My boyfriend came over those times, but he’s busy tonight. I would be with my friends Octavia or Raven but they’re with boyfriends too.” _Whoop, there it is._ Lexa turned her face down to mask her sheer disappointment and then appalment at herself before answering, trying her best to sound confident.  
  
“Ah I get it. Boyfriend’s always save the day. Well, I’m sorry you got stuck with me tonight but maybe if this college spent more money on us we’d have better generators. Anyway, how about that food then? I’ll order pizza.” Lexa didn’t want to drag out this topic much longer so she caved, feeling hungry anyway.  
  
“I would say you saved the day today, Lexa. Not the boyfriend. Food would be super great though and I don’t mind whatever it is.” Clarke said sweetly, and Lexa pushed aside her comment, taking it for what it is, a straight girl’s reassurance. _Not much._ Lexa just half-heartedly laughed before dialing the number for a pizza shop near campus.  
  
“Hey yeah, I was hoping to get a large veggie pizza? Um to dorm 4, room 110. The name is Lexa. Cash. Okay, thanks.” Clarke smiled at her as she hung up and she gave a half smile in return. “About a half hour.”  
  
She and Clarke settled in for a wait, Lexa taking a seat at her desk instead of sitting close to the blonde like before. There was no room for error here, or Lexa would feel it tenfold. Clarke kept glancing up at her throughout the half hour, but she didn’t move her eyes once from her book. Finally, after what felt like forever there was a knock at the door. Lexa eagerly stood, grabbing her wallet and opening the door, smiling already at the pizza guy. It was a guy named Monty, the same person who always delivered.  
  
“Hi, it’s $17.38.” He said. Suddenly Clarke gasped, coming up behind her.  
  
“Monty! Oh my god!” Then the blonde hugged the boy hard, causing them both to smile.  
  
“Hey Clarkey! No Finn tonight? I’m surprised you didn’t order food and a flashlight again.” He grinned. Clarke whipped her head at Lexa before turning back to him and Lexa just backed up, letting them have a moment. _I’ll have to ask about her ordering that flashlight,_ she smirked.  
  
“Uhh yeah he’s busy, but um this was my idea believe it or not. Lexa here was sweet enough to oblige,” Clarke flashed her a bright grin that made her heart race and drop at the same time, so she nodded and just passed Monty a $20 during the off second of conversation. Monty smiled and handed her the pizza, chatting idly still.  
  
“Understandable. Lexa is great, isn’t she?” Clarke nodded fast at Monty’s words and she found herself feeling stunned that Monty was being a wingman to his own friend even though she had a boyfriend. Lexa just sighed, opening the box and biting into a slice.  
  
“Oh shush. Monty did you want to join us?” Monty smiled, but shook his head.  
  
“I’ve got more deliveries, but thanks Lexa. I’ll see you. Bye Clarke! Have a good night ladies.” Then he turned and walked away as Clarke shut the door. The blonde bounded over to her desk where she was, a blush spread across her pale skin as she looked at her. Lexa just quirked a brow.  
  
“Hungry still?” Clarke bit her lip, nodding but she didn’t take a slice. Lexa’s eyes turned back to the pizza right away. “Okay—well here.” Lexa opened the box for her and offered it, assuming she didn’t want to just open it and take it from her. Clarke gingerly reached in, opting for the smallest slice Lexa noticed, before leaning against the wall beside her. “You know you can sit down,” Lexa grinned. Clarke just ate her pizza quietly, seemingly ignoring her comment so Lexa did too.  
  
Eventually after a few slices each Clarke had migrated to her couch against the wall, Lexa to the other side. They spoke of everything that came to mind. Lexa learned Clarke was a junior and an art-therapy major. The blonde had two best friends, Octavia Blake, sister of notorious frat boy Bellamy, then Raven Reyes. Lexa’s mechanic, which she laughed about when Clarke said she bets Raven is happy to fix her car. When she asked about the flashlight thing Monty said, the blonde burned red as she told her that she and Finn ordered pizza the first two outages and also made Monty to go Walmart to buy her a flashlight--which then proceeded to die the next day because she didn't ask for batteries. She also learned Clarke loved animals, people, nature, life, everything, but herself. It wasn’t hard to see Clarke didn’t think much of herself but Lexa didn’t understand that. As far as she could tell Clarke was sweet, smart, kind, funny, charming, unjudging. It didn’t make sense to her that Clarke couldn’t see it, but hell, Lexa didn’t think she was much either so she didn’t say anything.  
  
She wanted to keep her own details to herself, not wanting to burden Clarke. If Lexa could keep this all one-sided, strictly getting Clarke to talk, then the blonde wouldn’t feel as if Lexa was trying to get in on her life. So every time Clarke asked her a question back, she deflected with a very vague, boring answer in hopes that Clarke would stop asking her anything. Then, the question came, the one she knew was inevitable.  
  
“So, do you have a boyfriend?” Clarke asked her, sipping from a bottle of water. Lexa sipped some too, deciding how to answer this. She was gay, there was no doubt, but she’d never dated anyone before out of fear of being ridiculed. Now, here was this beautiful girl making her heart pound out of her chest for no reason at all. So she lied.  
  
“Oh yeah, it’s long distance though. He’s an old friend of mine.” The words tasted sour in her mouth, the lie burning on her tongue and the guilt of it already settling in her stomach. Clarke huffed for a second, before smiling.  
  
“That’s awesome. I’m glad you have someone.” Lexa didn’t know what that meant so she just shrugged, letting it go. She didn’t have anyone in the world if she was honest. She had a best friend once, Anya, but she moved far away. Then she had her parents, whom believed she was someone else entirely. Her whole life felt like one big, lonely lie. Nobody knew who she was or what she felt and that made her sad. Knowing she was alone, knowing she couldn’t change it, and continuing to make choices that kept her alone. _It’s what someone like me deserves. I’m broken, nobody should put up with that._  
  
Lexa looked at the clock, it was now 11:30 p.m. and the dorms still had no power. It’s been three hours, longer than the first two outages. She was feeling sleepy after having her International Business Discourse class earlier and her morning run. The brunette didn’t know what to do about Clarke, considering she’d be alone and scared in her dorm if she sent her away and the thought made her heart hurt. Lexa decided to let her choose, leaving the invite open as she rose off the couch.  
  
“I’m going to change for bed, you can do whatever you’d like. You’re welcome to stay or go.” Clarke stayed put even as she opened her closet to pull out clothes. Normally, she’d just strip down and change but the idea of doing that with Clarke being there made her turn right for the bathroom to hide herself. Lexa looked at herself in the mirror when she walked in, cringing already from her own reflection but taking a second regardless to smooth out her wild hair and wash her face. People tell her she’s pretty, beautiful even, but Lexa doesn’t see it. She just sees a sharp jawline and tan skin, too big eyes, too big lips, too narrow nose and body. Nothing feels right and as she walks out of the bathroom finally, she quickly goes to her bed so Clarke doesn’t have to see her in shorts.  
  
“Lexa? Would you mind if I slept on the couch? I just don’t think I want to be alone.” Clarke asked in a little voice, standing next to the couch as if Lexa’s answer would decide her impending doom. Lexa smiled meagerly, the thought of Clarke staying all night made her happy and terrified at the same time, but she pushed on.  
  
“Sure, Clarke. Here,” then she stood up to get to her closet again and pick out comfy clothes for the blonde. Forgoing caring about her tank top and shorts, she hoped Clarke wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Standing in front of the closet, she didn’t see the way Clarke devoured her with her eyes and licked her lips as she inched closer. Lexa finally found another loose shirt and shorts, closing the closet door and gasping as she saw how close Clarke was. “Jesus! Fuck—Clarke! Way to scare the hell out of me.” She breathed in deeply, laughing lightly before handing the clothes to her. “Here, these should fit.”  
  
“Thanks, Lexa. Sorry by the way.” Then she scurried into the bathroom to change, giving Lexa a reprieve and a chance to get back into bed. For a second she almost forgot Clarke would need blankets and she panicked, knowing she didn’t have any extras. Shit, shit. Why am I so incompetent?! Lexa chastised herself, knowing full well she’d have to tell Clarke and make her leave now, even wearing her own clothes. The blonde came out a minute later, looking beautiful and stealing Lexa’s breath as she sauntered to the center of the room. Lexa hated herself more than ever in that moment.  
  
“Clarke? I’m so, so fucking sorry but I actually don’t have extra blankets. I didn’t even think about it, god I’m sorry…” Lexa said earnestly, knowing how pathetic she looked. Clarke didn’t seem mad though, thankfully. The blonde just looked around for a second, before coming over to her bed and sitting down.  
  
“I knew I should’ve brought mine from earlier,” She smirked. “Maybe I can sleep with you then? If that’s cool?” Lexa couldn’t believe what she just heard, but then she remembered Clarke was straight and girls always slept in the same bed during sleepovers. She swallowed her fear and nodded.  
  
“Why not. Just don’t kick me off the bed, please.” Lexa smiled faintly, hoping to make Clarke feel comfortable with her. Clarke giggled as she got into her bed and snuggled up real close to her. If she wasn’t so good at telling herself she didn’t deserve anything, she might’ve been happy about the closeness. She’d never laid with anyone just comfortably to sleep so she didn’t know how comfy it was until now. “You’re not a snuggly sleeper are you?” Lexa joked, hoping the answer was no. There was no way she could fight her feelings if she woke up with Clarke’s arm over her and the blonde holding her. Absolutely no way, so she prayed Clarke could stay on her own side.  
  
“Oh yeah, I’m the snuggliest sleeper ever. You’re probably going to find me on you in the morning.” Clarke laughed, and Lexa faked a laugh as well though her heart sped at the thought. So disrespectful! Fucking stop! Lexa told herself.  
  
“Great... You may find I took the couch anyway then.” She smirked, moving over to the furthest edge of the bed she could without falling off. Clarke sighed behind her, getting comfortable. Lexa closed her eyes, not expecting anymore conversation. Long minutes passed and she felt herself getting sleepier by the second, but just before she fell asleep, she felt Clarke push herself against her back and wrap an arm around her. Safe to say, there was no way she’d sleep now.  
  
Lexa stayed perfectly still for the next two hours, just lying there feeling bad for being so caught up in this simple touch. Clarke had fallen asleep hours ago and she was still frozen in her spot. If she hadn’t felt like a creep before, she sure does now over not being able to get herself to calm down. Lexa huffed at herself, hating who she is, as she crawled out of Clarke’s grip and over her to get out of bed. Lexa went to her closet and put on a big hoodie and sweat pants, then curled up on the couch. She finally felt calm again, her heart rate slowing and the exhaustion returning. Her eyes closed looking out the window, watching the darkness of the night grow dimmer.  
  
When morning came, Clarke was gone. A note was in her place and Lexa read it over while she sipped coffee. The power had finally turned on sometime during the night so she was happy she didn’t have to go buy coffee.  
  
_Lexa-_  
_Thanks for letting me stay over! I’m sorry if I snuggled too much or kicked you, I should have taken the couch no matter what. I’m glad I met you, I hope I see you around._  
_Clarke._  
  
Her words shouldn’t have done anything to her, but Lexa couldn’t help the thump of her heart against her chest at Clarke being glad she met her. _How could someone be happy to know me?_ She decided to shove it away, choosing to believe Clarke was being nice. With that, she gets herself ready for class once more, eager to forget last night even happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Though Lexa never saw her once before, suddenly she sees Clarke everywhere. It’s been two months since the chain of power outages in one week. The University had called electricians to come in and upgrade every generator in the school, so there were now no excuses for Lexa to go see the girl. The first time she spotted Clarke was a few days after she stayed over. The blonde was talking with a boy attached to her every word and his hands attached to her hips as he pressed kisses all over her face and arms even as she spoke. Clarke didn’t see her, thankfully, because Lexa scowled hard at seeing him touching her so much.  
  
The second time was a few weeks later. Clarke was sat outside a coffee shop enjoying the spring sun with her friends. Lexa was already inside when the group sat down, so she knew she’d either have to wait inside until they left or face the music and leave. Of course, she waited. Lexa sat in her booth for over an hour while Clarke chatted to her friends just fifteen feet away, outside the glass. She felt like an outsider looking in, even though it was technically the opposite. When Clarke and her group finally stood to leave, Lexa breathed a sigh of relief for escaping this encounter too.  
  
It’s not like Lexa truly wanted to avoid her because of any certain reason, she just felt like her existence in Clarke’s life was unnecessary. The girl had a bunch of friends, a handsome boyfriend, she herself was beautiful and Lexa… Lexa just is. She just exists. It didn’t feel right to be jealous of Clarke’s boyfriend or her friends for getting to spend time with her. Lexa had saved her from being alone in the dark, that was really it. There wasn’t a connection between them, not that she could tell at least and they didn’t run in the same circles. Though Lexa probably had something to do about that.  
  
The third time Lexa sees her, Clarke sees her too. The girl is walking through the University halls with her boyfriend on her arm and she’s talking animatedly until she spots Lexa kneeled in front of another student. Lexa was helping this boy, Benny, who had down syndrome pick up some books he dropped.  
  
“Thanks for the help, Alexa!” Lexa scowled internally at the name, but she knew Benny never remembered it right so she didn’t care. She smiled at him as she stood.  
  
“You’re welcome Benny. I’ll see you around ok? Have a good day today.”  
  
“Ok, bye Alexa!” After he turned away she sighed hard, feeling mentally exhausted from her previous class. She didn’t even see the way Clarke was stopped dead in the center of the hall staring at her until she heard a guy speak.  
  
“Clarke? Can we go?” Lexa whipped her head up at the name, finding a blushing Clarke still staring at her. She quirked a brow as she gave a half smile, pushing herself off the wall and walking the opposite direction. She didn’t want to hear the voice she’d been imagining for weeks and she certainly didn’t want to meet her boyfriend, whom she figured out was Finn Collins. Even as she walked down the hall she felt eyes on her back, but she continued, knowing there was a better chance Clarke was simply glaring at her over anything.  
  
Another few weeks went by before Lexa ran into her for the fourth time. It was a dreary, storming night. Thunder and lightning clapped in the sky, lighting up the pitch black night with bright blue and white and gold tendrils striking into the ground. If she hadn’t signed up for this late evening class she could already be snuggled deep into her blankets and cozying away. However, she is running across campus, drenched to the bone through her thin hoodie, tank top and blue jeans. She doesn’t know why she dressed so light today. It may be June but there are still summer storms and when she watched the news this morning it said there was going to be a storm. Still, she didn't prepare.  
  
Running through the quad there isn’t a single other student in sight and her dorm is still three quarters of a mile away. _Why didn’t I even bring a bike? You fucking fool. You deserve this._ Lexa slowed her pace at the thought, realizing she did indeed deserve to be caught out in the cold rain. Her breaths grew short in the cold night air but she pushed on trudging through. It wasn’t until she was almost halfway there that she noticed someone was yelling at her.  
  
“Hey!” It was muffled in her ears from the rain and she spun on her heel, suddenly unsure who could possibly need something from her at a moment like this. Her vision was slightly blurred but a person wrapped in a royal blue raincoat jogged up to her, holding an umbrella over her right away and she gasped inaudibly when blue eyes met green. “Lexa?! Why are you out here right now?” Lexa couldn’t believe Clarke was here. Of all god damn people in this school who had to see her looking like this. “Are you okay?” Lexa shook her head, snapping herself out of it and taking a step out of Clarke’s umbrella bubble.  
  
“I’m well. I’m headed to the dorm is all.” Then she spun back on her heel to continue her walk. She didn’t see Clarke’s frown or hear the huff she let out as she watched longingly.  
  
“Can’t I walk with you Lexa? Since we’re both out in the rain?” Clarke asked hastily, catching up to her once more and trying subtly to cover her with the umbrella again. She didn’t know why she felt so agitated with Clarke there suddenly. This was the girl who had been invading and occupying her thoughts for two months, yet now with Clarke here, talking to her; she felt so so out of place.  
  
“I guess so but I don’t need the umbrella, I like the rain. You use it.” She lied, _through her teeth._ All she could feel was the way her skin felt like ice under her fingertips and her torso was shaking violently making it hard to walk without trouble. Her hair was plastered to her face she was sure of it and her clothes clung to her body. She must have looked disgusting and all she could think about was how Clarke had to see it. Without consciously doing so she picked up the pace, eager to get away from the blonde.  
  
“Lexa are you sure something isn’t wrong? You know, I’ve hardly seen you besides that time with Benny. That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen in my life when you helped him.” Clarke tried making conversation and somewhere deep down she could appreciate the attempt. However, it went in vain because her nice words went in one ear and out the other as Lexa told herself Clarke was just making fun of her. She glanced sideways at the girl, mainly to look like she was interested but she couldn’t help but want to just see her face.  
  
“I’m good. We don’t run in the same circles is all, and thanks. Benny is a nice guy.” The brunette said simply, finally seeing their dorm approach and a tiny grin broke out on her lips at the thought of a hot shower and sleep. “I’ll see you around maybe.” She hadn’t said the girl’s name once even though Clarke said her’s every time she spoke. Lexa watched disappointment flash through the blue eyes in front of her before Clarke looked down to mask it.  
  
“Right. I hope so. There’s a party this weekend at my boyfriend’s dorm if you wanted to go, just to get out. I don’t know, maybe you have plans or you’re going to see your own boyfriend. What’s his name by the way? My boyfriend’s name is Finn; I don’t know if we’ve talked about this. I’m from—”  
  
“This is real interesting and all Clarke but I’m cold. I’m going to take a shower. Have a nice night.” Then she walked away without another glance, still unseeing of Clarke’s sad face.  
  
When the weekend came a few days later, the summer storms had cleared up and the bright blue skies were in place as she ran down the sidewalk. Sweat glistened on her tan skin and wind ruffled her long flowing hair. The scent of flowers and a faraway ocean and coffee filled the air, making her smile as she slowed to a stop. It was warm under the beating sun and she was grateful she decided to wear a sports bra and shorts. The music in her ears was blasting as she stood in place under the sun breathing deeply. It isn’t until someone taps her shoulder that she tunes back in, pulling out a headphone and quirking a brow as she turned.  
  
“Hi there.” A girl with long dirty blonde hair said, biting on her lip and eyeing Lexa. She almost gave in to the look she was giving her, but thinking better of it she took a step back and glanced around boredly.  
  
“Hey, can I help you or?” She answered in a flat voice. The girl frowned for a second before breathing deeply and nodding.  
  
“Yes, uh. My name is Harper and I just wanted to tell you I think you’re really beautiful. Lexa Woods, right?” She sighed already, knowing this wasn’t going to end well. She’d been hit on plenty of times by gorgeous girls but Lexa just couldn’t stand the idea of being a burden to someone for any reason.  
  
“Yeah I’m Lexa, and thank you Harper. I’ve got to get going though I apologize.” She backed up a few more steps because Harper’s eyes started drifting down her body and she felt her face heat up.  
  
“Before you go, I was wondering if I could take you out sometime?” Her voice seemed so full of hope and confidence it made Lexa angry. This girl was so open and unafraid of being ridiculed. Maybe she needed to be more like Harper and stop fucking lying about everything. The previous few days ago when Clarke asked her what her boyfriend’s name was she almost had a heart attack over the prospect of having one. She’d completely forgotten she said she had one but here, right now being asked out by Harper, she didn’t know if she wanted to continue the lie.  
  
It started over Clarke. When the blonde first asked her if she had a boyfriend, she looked so happy to be making another girl-friend; Lexa didn’t want to gross her out by saying she was broken. A lie can only go so far though. How long until people catch on? Asking questions, wanting to see him, it all felt too much like a movie and Lexa didn’t want to feel any more fake than she already did. So, she looked into Harper’s eyes and gave her a genuine smile. “Sure, why not.”  
  
The next day on Saturday, her phone buzzed with a text from the dirty blonde.  
  
**Harper Hathaway (10:03 a.m.): Morning Lexa! How do you feel about getting dinner tonight and maybe hitting up this party on campus?**  
  
She swallowed thickly as she read the message, knowing full well the party she meant was most likely Clarke’s boyfriends’, Finn’s. That also meant Bellamy Blake, John Murphy, Jasper Cole and Lincoln Cromwell. Aka the group of the biggest douchebag, frat boys on campus. A sigh escaped her lips as she thought about it. A date with a girl, a party, it all seemed like something she would never do but what she always wanted to.  
  
**Lexa Woods (10:06 a.m.): Good morning. That sounds fun, what time are you thinking?**  
  
**Harper Hathaway (10:07 a.m.): How about dinner at six, party at eight? Don’t forget to dress nicely, though you’re beautiful so that can’t be hard.**  
  
She blushed more than she ever has as she read the message. It felt so right to finally talk to someone she could possibly, truly like. It made her smile so big it hurt, and despite her head telling her she’s an absolute no good, creepy and worthless person she buried those thoughts. Today she could try to be happy for once, she could and she would.  
  
**Lexa Woods (10:10 a.m.): *blush emoji* Thank you, Harper. I will see you at six tonight.**  
  
**Harper Hathaway (10:11 a.m.): :D**  
  
Her day passed fairly quickly, once she’d worked on her essay for her Business class which took up a few hours, she decided she might as well try to look good for tonight. Lexa of course had never been on a date, having always said no due to feeling too bad about forcing her company on the other. So she was at a serious disadvantage of what to wear. When 5:00 p.m. came and she was still staring at herself in the mirror she decided it was time to call the one person she knew who could help her. She dialed the number and waited, eagerly.  
  
_“Hello?”_ A familiar voice answered after some rings and Lexa smiled immediately upon hearing it.  
  
“Anya! I need your help.” Anya scoffed on the other line.  
  
_“Hi Anya, I missed you. How are you? I’m good too, thanks. Sure! I do want to visit you sometime! Thanks Lexa, you’re so sweet.”_ Lexa laughed and waited for her friend to get serious. _“Okay, fuck it. What do you need?”_  
  
“I have a date tonight. With a girl. I don’t know what to wear.” Anya’s intake of breath made her nervous but she knew her friend was just surprised and happy for her. Anya had been there for her in middle school when she realized she wasn’t exactly like other girls. Crushing on the boy with the long, floppy hair. She was the girl who hung posters of Marilyn Monroe instead of Channing Tatum and when she was asked to the dance by Costia Green, she was there when Lexa freaked out. Long story short, Lexa faked being straight for many years after that incident while Costia just brushed it off and went with another girl in their grade. It made her hate herself for her choice. She could’ve been happy this whole time if she didn’t care what people thought.  
  
_“Little black dress, straighten your hair, winged eyeliner, smokey eyeshadow, red lips. Trust me.”_ Lexa giggled and obliged, opening her closet for the one black dress she knew Anya meant.  
  
“Thanks An. I really do miss you. Maybe this summer I’ll come visit.” They made a plan for July 4th to spend it together and Lexa had a smile on her face the whole time she got ready. When 5:50 p.m. came, Lexa walked down to the front of her dorm to meet Harper. The dirty blonde was already waiting, decked out in slim black jeans and a matching black button down pulled to her forearms. Her hair was curled lightly and pulled into a half ponytail and Lexa lost her breath at the sight. “Wow.” Harper blushed right away, standing up to approach her.  
  
“Wow yourself, Lexa. You’re beautiful.” Now it was her turn to burn red at the compliment. She’d never been complimented by a girl like this and accepted it without telling herself it was a joke. Harper looked like she truly meant it and Lexa blushed harder. “Are you ready to go? I can’t wait to show you off in that dress.” Harper said sweetly, holding out her arm. Lexa hitched her arm with hers and let her lead them wherever. After a minute they came to what she assumed was Harper’s car where the girl opened the door for her.  
  
They rode in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Harper spoke.  
  
“I’m really glad you said yes. I’ve been crushing on you since I first saw you start running in freshman year. Is that weird?” Lexa blushed in her seat, turning to take Harper’s loose hand. Harper gasped but immediately rubbed her thumb over her hand.  
  
“It’s sweet, Harper. I’ve never been on a date, especially not with a girl so I’m excited for this. I’m glad I met you.” Harper glanced at her for a second, her thumb stalling.  
  
“Wait, do you like girls? Fuck, Lexa you don’t have to be here with me. I’m glad I finally talked to you and met you too but it’s okay if you don’t want to do this.” Harper said genuinely and Lexa felt her heart swell a little for the girl.  
  
“No no, I do. I um—I’ve never said it out loud really but yes, I like girls and I want to go on a date with you if you’ll have me.” Harper smiled big now.  
  
“Oh thank god. I was really scared you were going to make me bring you back, I don’t think I could do that with the way you look.” She blushed deeper, having been blushing for minutes now at almost everything Harper said. Lexa loved the sweetness of her. Not even just her though, of girls in general. It was honestly the reason Lexa was gay. Girls are just nice and so much more sensitive than guys. She can’t handle their tough acts and mind games, plus their stupidity. Not all guys, but the majority of those she knew weren’t worth even a conversation.  
  
“Don’t worry, I’m excited.” They made it to a nice restaurant about ten minutes later. The dim lights inside gave the restaurant a cozy décor but still felt slightly luxurious with the dark red walls. “Whoa. This is lovely, Harper.” Harper smiled softly, pulling out a chair for her.  
  
“I’m glad you think so, Lexa.” Then the dirty blonde came around the table to take her own seat too, still smiling at her. They spoke for a few minutes about little things until a waiter came over.  
  
“Evening ladies, can I bring you anything to drink or take your order if you’re all set?” Harper nodded to her to go first and Lexa picked out the pan seared salmon with rosemary and lemon, a salad on the side. Harper chose a steak and vegetables. When the waiter left again, Harper reached forward and gently took Lexa’s hand, earning a blush.  
  
“Tell me something, like, where would you go if money wasn’t an option?” Lexa smiled at the question, liking how the girl didn’t ask about her major or something cliché.  
  
“Truthfully, I’d go to New Zealand. I think it’s so gorgeous there and I’d probably never leave if I went. Where would you go?” Harper squeezed her hand, a wild smile on her face.  
  
“I’d go to New Zealand too! I’ve always wanted to visit the hills where they put the—”  
  
“Hobbit homes! Me too!” They both smiled now, blushing and giggling.  
  
“Already finishing my sentences?” Harper smirked, making her redder. “You’re adorable, and yes. I’d visit the hobbit homes. I love how beautiful and green it is there.” She nodded in return, knowing exactly how pretty the landscape was.  
  
“So true.” They smiled again and soon enough the waiter brought their food over. By the end of the date they had each learned plenty about each other. Harper was a major in English because she wanted to write sci-fi and Lexa was an international business major. The girl was from SoCal while Lexa was from Oregon. Ark University being in the dead center between their hometowns, right in NorCal. Lexa told her all about her childhood and her best friend, Anya, and how she helped her pick out this outfit. Harper laughed, saying she really did look beautiful and when the check came, the dirty blonde paid.  
  
Lexa tried to pay of course, not knowing that when out on a date; the one who asked usually pays.  
  
“What do you mean I can’t pay half? Why not? I’m not letting you buy my dinner, that’s rude of me.” Harper just laughed incredulously.  
  
“Lexa, was this a date for you?” She nodded dumbly. “Right, and I asked you on the date, so it is my responsibility to pay for you because I took you out tonight. I want to, I really want to. So please let me.” Lexa just huffed, sliding her wallet away and Harper grinned. “Thank you. You can make it up to me next time, if you’d like.” Lexa nodded quickly again, smiling.  
  
“I would love to do that for you. You want to get out of here?” Harper giggled.  
  
“That sounds suggestive, how about, you want to go to the party?” Lexa blushed hard but said yes anyway.  
  
When they pulled up to the boy’s dorm and parked the car, Lexa had almost forgotten this was Finn’s party, until she saw him standing off the side of the dorm with a girl. Not a blonde one, was the first thing she thought. Harper guided her past the two and inside into hallways billowing with smoke, wafting with alcohol and packed with students. Boys and girls danced in the halls, rooms were open and more people were inside. Lexa’s anxiety sky rocketed immediately and she practically crushed Harper’s hand.  
  
“Lexa! Are you okay?” She pulled her hand away, rubbing it and Lexa immediately frowned and took it gently pressing a kiss to her knuckles.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Harper. I—I don’t like this many people, I’m feeling really nervous like I need to get some air.” Then she pulled away too and turned back to head out the door again. In her way however, was Clarke. A very inebriated Clarke.  
  
“Lexaa? I thought—I thought you weren’t going to come?” Harper’s hand made its way around her waist and she couldn’t help but lean into her. Clarke looked between them and frowned. “I thought you had a boyfriend.” She accused sharply now, making Lexa frown too.  
  
“We broke up. I’m allowed to do that, and Harper asked me to come but we’re leaving for some air now. Too many people.” Clarke furrowed her brow, stepping closer and Lexa could smell the vodka lemonade on her breath.  
  
“I can make everyone leave if you want to stayy. I don’t want you to go.” The blonde said sweetly, slightly slurred as she reached for Lexa’s face. Lexa couldn’t help but let her touch her for a second before she pulled back and squeezed Harper’s hand.  
  
“That’s fine, Clarke and I appreciate that but we’ll be going anyway to continue our date.” Hurt flashed through the blue eyes before she schooled her face and Clarke backed up, seemingly realizing what she was doing.  
  
“Right, sorry. Bye guys.” Then she hurried past them and into a room. Harper just smirked at her.  
  
“Clarke Griffin has a crush on you, and you’re out with me? Wow.” Lexa turned to her, putting a hand on her jaw gently.  
  
“Harper, I hardly even know Clarke. Two months ago she was screaming bloody murder during the power outages and one night she stayed in my room because she’s terrified of the dark. That’s literally it. I don’t know why she was just so… odd.” Harper leaned into her touch for a second before she leaned further, capturing her lips in a soft kiss.  
  
“I trust you and I don’t blame you, you’re damn gorgeous. Hard to resist.” Lexa blushed, pulling the girl by her hand to get them out of the dorm finally. She didn’t see Clarke watching from her doorway.


End file.
